I know what I want. I know what I want to do. No one can stop me. Only I can. I know what is right for me and what is wrong. I know all of those things, and I should not have to prove it to anyone. We do not have to prove anything to anyone else other than ourselves. If we do, our lives will not be about taking it day by day, but the other route that I dread. Planning is not in my blood. I write my story in ink, not pencil, because I know my mistakes. I felt as though I needed something to prove myself with because I think I have been too relaxed, too comfortable with life, so I decided to make a list of actions that I will never perform. Again, this is not to insult anyone.
1. I will never marry a man similiar to my father. If you know anything about my father, he was the one who took away my happiness and gave it to my stepsister. I can only pretend to stay happy so long. Also, in every relationship he had, he ended. He went through 3 wives and probably ended because he is a control freak. He traps me. Sorry, I am not Rapunzel. I will not wait.
2. I will never raise a child that is similiar to my stepsister. As harsh it may sound, lets just say my younger stepsister was not raised in a way I believed that I would raise her. She is eight, yet she acts or believes as so she is 3. Kids understand, by age 6 that life is not perfect and not everything goes their way. However, she did not learn that yet, and my father denies that life is imperfect. I would never do that. My grandmother told me that life will end one day for me when I was 3.
3. I will never wear my heart on my sleeve again. My emotions get the best of me, and the worst events that ever happen, happen. I will never show emotions bluntly to anyone because I always get hurt. I always get taken advantage of, and I do not want that to happen ever again. Some people, it works on them, but it does not work on me.
4. I will never divorce. Marriage is something that I hold very dear to my heart. I believe that marriage should last, and people just get married just to get married. I want thought in my relationship. I do not want to marry and then divorce. That ruins the whole point of marriage.
5. I will never let people control my opinions. As we can tell, I am very opinionated. If someone tries to control or change my opinion, they are gone from my life. The only things that are part of my identity are my opinions and my morals. That is all I have because I look my sister since we are twins and people have the same name as me.
6. I will never say "I do not sin". If someone tells me that they do not sin, they just did. Everyone sins no matter what. That is just saying that we are perfect. Sorry, have you seen us? We are humans and imperfect. We sin. It is hypocritcal and dumb to say that.
7. I will never cut my hair into a bob. Short hair does not go well with my facial structure since it is so harsh. I do not want to emphasize the harshness of my facial structure.
8. I will never be friends with people I do not like. This statement does not exactly mean that I will be unfriendly. It just means that between the people I do not like and I, we are neutral. That is all.
9. I will never lie to someone in order to satisfy them. I do lie and only tell part of the truth. We do that, but I would not say something of my opinion that is faulty. It is dishonest and kind of rude to the other person because we are just saying that we will let them go out looking like a fool.
10. I will never drink an elxir of life. If some genius creates an elxir of life, I would not drink it because I do not want to live forever? What am I going to do when I already did everything I want? Don't I want to rest for the rest of eternity?
11. I will never harm someone emotionally in a relationship purposely. This includes friendships, boyfriend/girlfriend type deals, and sisterly relationship. I would never try to do something to my friend or sister in order to hurt their mind. It is unfair. They do that to me, but everyone deserves to live life freely.
12. I will never wash darks with lights in clothing. A no brainer, common sense.
13. I will never be my old self again. My old self, as in what I was in the 6th grade, is nothing like me now and would probably dislike me for what I have become. Even though my old self hates me, I do not hate me. I am fine with myself. I cannot be my old self again because of experience and growing. It would not be possible.
14. I will never force my future children to be something they are not. This does not include behavior wise. What I mean is by dressing and talking and their nature. Every person is born an original, do not be a copy. There is a reason why you are that way.
15. I will never eat after midnight. I do not do anyways, and it is unhealthy, so I do not do it. It makes me uncomfortable too.
16. I will never date a stuck-up kid or a controlling person. I have a list of turn-offs and none of them include anything physical. It is mostly about character. If there is something I do not like about someone's character, I would not date them. That is just the way I am.
All right, here is a list of things I will never do because I wanted to prove to myself and commit myself to this list. I am exhausted. Love you all. I think you know what is process for the "insults, offenses, etc."
What will be things you will never do? Why? Do you believe back in the past you would have done them?
With Love,
Violet Sar Bleu
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