Right now, I should be working on my biology assignment of reading five chapters of my textbook about evolution, only have read the first chapter and part of the second. The reason why I decided to write today and at this time is because I am sad. I do not want to be sad. I want to be happy. I figured that if I let out all of my sadness, I will be happy again. Of course, I am pathetic and still am sad.
Have you ever been so upset that the emotion causes you to be in physical pain to the point where you feel like you need to sit or lay down in order to not fall? Have you ever been so sad that your stomach and head aches? My chest aches, my head hurts, the part of my back parallel to my back feels sore, my stomach hurts, and my fingers and toes feel stiff. I want the pain to stop. I do not feel this way anymore even though I do not mean to. I wish I was not sensitive to emotions. I want to smile and mean it.
I just do not want filled with lamentation and angst. I tried getting out of my house. I tried blasting music into my ears. I tried keeping myself busy. Nothing works.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Friday, January 3, 2014
Alone in my Thoughts
I think the worst thing that I allowed myself to do is to be alone with my thoughts for an entire day, not the whole 24 hours thing, but more of 10 hours. To me, being alone in my thoughts scare me to the point where I just need to escape.
For some weird reason, I have been thinking about long distance relationships and do not why because I am not in a relationship in the first place. I keep thinking about the couples out there in long distance relationships who rely on technology to communicate with each other, who have to worry about plane tickets, who have to worry about internet and phone connection, where people that are not in a long distance relationship have to deal with that. Then, I came to the conclusion that I cannot not be in a long distance relationship because I cannot work Skype, do not have a Skype account, barely answer my phone calls or text messages. If you do not know me well enough, you would not know that I am pretty useless with a phone: not answering it, misplacing it, all that jazz. My irresponsibility with indirect communication is at a all time high.
Another subject I have been thinking about is forensic anthropology. I can easily blame that on watching too many crime shows and looking up random autopsy reports of random murders that range from the murder stabbing to overdosing a victim. I have too much time on my hands.
I blame movies to be the cause of my sick mind. If you have ever watched the film Hook (1991), you should know that it is a completely innocent film about Peter Pan. However, because I have read extensively about Barbara Daly Baekeland and Antony Baekeland and how the pair had allegedly an incestuous relationship--they were mother and son respectively, I thought there was incest in the film. I am driving myself crazy.
I need to get out of the house more.
For some weird reason, I have been thinking about long distance relationships and do not why because I am not in a relationship in the first place. I keep thinking about the couples out there in long distance relationships who rely on technology to communicate with each other, who have to worry about plane tickets, who have to worry about internet and phone connection, where people that are not in a long distance relationship have to deal with that. Then, I came to the conclusion that I cannot not be in a long distance relationship because I cannot work Skype, do not have a Skype account, barely answer my phone calls or text messages. If you do not know me well enough, you would not know that I am pretty useless with a phone: not answering it, misplacing it, all that jazz. My irresponsibility with indirect communication is at a all time high.
Another subject I have been thinking about is forensic anthropology. I can easily blame that on watching too many crime shows and looking up random autopsy reports of random murders that range from the murder stabbing to overdosing a victim. I have too much time on my hands.
I blame movies to be the cause of my sick mind. If you have ever watched the film Hook (1991), you should know that it is a completely innocent film about Peter Pan. However, because I have read extensively about Barbara Daly Baekeland and Antony Baekeland and how the pair had allegedly an incestuous relationship--they were mother and son respectively, I thought there was incest in the film. I am driving myself crazy.
I need to get out of the house more.
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