The way I feel right now

I feel as though I am not my normal self, and it is to the point where I do not understand myself if that makes any sense. I guess I should just tell you my problems.

I feel very unfocused and disconnected with myself and my life. Such as, I will think of something and I do not know how it applies to my life, though it seems relevant. It is almost as if I have all the pieces to a puzzle, but I cannot seem to put it together. Also, I feel very anxious for some weird reason. I am not a nervous person, but I am anxious for no reason. My body has been anxious as well, like jittery and cautious of everything that might move, if that makes sense at all.

I do not believe that I am stressed out, but I have been also getting acne, which I barely get, but right now, for some weird reason, I have been breaking out. Ughh, I do not know what to do, and I do not know why my body is doing this to me.

Why do I feel anxious? Why do I cry for no weird reason at weird times during the day? Why do I feel disconnected and unfocused? Why do I feel incomplete even though I have everything in front of me? Please answer these questions because I need the answers.

Please help.

Violet Sar Bleu

I Love You to the Moon and Back

Lately, I have been out of it. I cannot focus, I failed three things this week, and I am not myself. I have no idea why, and it is to the point where I just do not understand why I do things the way I do. I am fruststrated, and I hope that things will get better because it just has to. It has been a long time since I felt this way, and I do not like it. If you never had this feeling, great, and hopefully, you never do.

I literally slept at around 4:00 pm in the afternoon last night and woke up around 9:00 am, that just proves to you why I feel the way I do and I need to stop, it is unhealthy.

I am confused with myself. How did I let myself fail 3 things in a row? How did I let myself avoid the fact that I failed three things in a row? Ughh, I am so confused and frustrated.

With love,

Violet Sar Bleu

I think I need a break

I failed a test and a quiz, and my waterline of my eyes got torn. Just wanted to say that. I am so frustrated with myself, and eventually, I think I might self destruct in the most nonharmful and unintentially way possible.

I need to breathe, take a step back, maybe rid of my possessions for a while because I am losing my sanity. Please help.

This mental breakdown rarely happens, so please help. Ugh, I am so upset with myself right now, not sucicidal, but upset.

With love,

Violet Sar Bleu

Fright

Ok, remember how people were talking about how North Korea will bomb the U.S. I have a feeling the whole world is going crazy. Did you hear about the explosions? I am scared to the point where it is worst than the time I looked up Fransico Goya's work.

List of crazy happenings as of right now.
1. Boston bombing
2. Pakistan earthquake
3. Waco explosion

If you could find any updates, please comment

With love,
Violet Sar Bleu

Ultimate Failure

My apologies to you for not writing that often, but the thing is that I cannot do well at things when I am overwhelmed. No, you are not my last priority, but you are not my first either. Trying to get things set for summer and Destin, schoolwork, and it was taking a toll on me.

Again, I have to keep it short, and I will see you all later.

Personality: Exaggerate, Mute, Change

I think sometimes the Internet allows many people's personality to be exaggerated, muted, or changed because people realize their true personality traits. However, if a person does that, he or she is very deceitful because that is lying.

You all know my personality traits and you probably do or do not like them because of your opinions are allowed. I cannot stop people from thinking they want to believe because if I do, I am being unfair. Even though I try to write posts in which they are interesting, they are more for me than anyone else because I write what I want to write, and if I try to please people, I will hate it. I do not hate writing posts, and I ask you all to give me ideas because to me it only seems fair if I grab ideas from you. Now, do not believe that I get all my ideas from you.

I do not want to address anyone as "Clouds," "Kiandreans," "Lawlorffs," "Mahomies," "Beliebers," etc. because I know that not everyone knows me well, not everyone enjoys my posts, therefore, I do not want to exclude anyone, which is what I want to avoid at all costs.

"Why are you addressing this?" You may or may not ask.

I address this because to me the most successful people do not exclude people, even on the Internet. Even though there may be "fandoms" (fan kingdoms), I really do prefer people to not have them,

I know two posts in one day; I just want to apologize for posting so late and give you two knowledgeable posts today.

With love,
Violet Sar Bleu

Advice to Future Students in AP Courses

I think this needs to be addressed because I see a lot of stupid things inside AP courses, and I want you to have at least a guideline of what to expect because life tends to be unpredictable.

1. You will meet ignorant people.
Taking AP courses does not mean we will be surrounded by knowledgeable people because there will always be that kid that thinks he or she knows everything, when it is obviously not true, and sometimes, it is the teacher. Trust me, I had an argument about Jeffreys Bay, which I was the wiser one out.

2. You will might not have an "A".
I think this one was the hardest one to grasp because I was used to making "A" on my tests, and probably the only one I get a legit "A" is English. Do not worry or panic, it is just a letter grade. It only matters if you learned are not.

3. Working with a freeloader is inevitable.
Whether we are the ones freeloading or the other person is, we are bound to work with them, and it can be minor or major. The most major experience I had was that I had to make a huge binder about The Catcher in the Rye and one of the girls decided not to do anything. Therefore, I did it.

4. You will probably hate your teacher sometime during the course.
Do not worry about this because it does not pertain to the teacher. Just breathe and you will get through it.

5. You will feel overwhelmed.
Teachers do not talk to each other surprisingly. I had a portrait, 2 tests, and a presentation about a poem in Spanish in which I had to analyze and talk about in Spanish all in one week. It is inconvient, and they need to talk.

6. Even though you are in an AP course, it does not mean that you should do everything yourself. Remember, you are still a kid, a teenager.
For some dumb reason, teachers believe that once we are in an AP course, we should be able to do everything ourselves. So not true. Trust me, do your work and you will be fine, but the teachers have to play their part to or it will not work out.

7. Listen.
It goes a long way. Just follow directions. If anything is not clear, ask the teacher. Do not be afraid to ask.

8. You will be sleep deprived.
It is bound to happen and I am still trying to catch up on my sleep during freshman year, which is not good considering how long has it been.

9. You will get disturbed.
I do not know about you, but there are a lot of obnoxious kids in my school. There is this one girl who I despise because she does not know how arrogant she is. There is also this other girl who believes that she knows everyone I know, which is not true. Trust me, you will dislike one of the students in your AP course.

10. Only do it if you want to.
Remember, this is a choice. I recommend it, but if you believe that this is not good, do not do it. No one can force you to.

With love,
Violet Sar Bleu

P.S. If you have any questions leave them in the comments below.